MEMORIZE these RESOLUTIONS
for visitors to San Francisco
1) I will not spend all my time in tourist zones. Hardly any, really. Maybe six minutes.
2) After I find out that I really do need scarf and sweaters (yes, plural) when the summer fog blows through San Francisco, I will not blame my hosts, who tried to warn me. I will instead, without a wimper, go to “by-the-pound” or some other esteemed clothing store* and remedy the lack.
*not $6 sweatshop-produced tourist T-shirt shops
3) I will not expect to find hippies on Haight Street. (What is a hippie, anyway?)
4) I will not rely on the “west-compressed” free tourist map. Instead, as a public service, I’ll obnoxiously denounce dopey maps. (What’s the point of a map purposely published not to scale?)
5) I will yell loudly over the traffic during conversations on the Golden Gate Bridge. I will wear layers and ride a bike across to minimize wind exposure and hearing loss.
6) When I find the museums in Golden Gate Park are only half-built, I’ll just go explore the Park. And not just the Japanese Tea Garden.
7) I will patronize local establishments. Chains I recognize from home won’t add anything to my experience of this strange and wonderful city.
8) I won’t drive a car unless absolutely necessary. Instead, I’ll use the excellent public transit. If I do drive, I’ll yield to all pedestrians and bicycles.
9) I will talk to strangers. And celebrate weirdness.
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